There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
There are leaves in my underwear?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
