Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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