He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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