So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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