I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
