Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
