ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
