I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
