sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I puked a lego.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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