Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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