just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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