So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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