Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
