She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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