Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
