You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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