i already hear my dad disowning me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I wish there were birth control emojis
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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