is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
nutella sex= disaster
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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