I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
