Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
