I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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