Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
