his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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