Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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