our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
