I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
