Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
