for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just gift wrapped bread.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
