So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize