Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
