Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
