My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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