can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
