my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
