happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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