there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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