i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
