Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
