when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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