why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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