I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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