I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
