Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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