Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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