I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
