He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
