We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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