Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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