So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
