My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
