so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
