So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize