It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
