Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
mondays should just be called national damage control day
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
