you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
