I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Damn victory sex feels great
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
