i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
