Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
