I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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