Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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