I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
