I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
