so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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