Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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