12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
