No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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