I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
someone owes me an orgasm
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
